Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: SA Foreign.
[00:00:30] Speaker B: Welcome everyone to tonight's episode of Pivotal Change. I'm your host, Ryan Kahn from CS Business Consulting. And this is a show that is all about leadership, entrepreneurs and people that have or want more influence and how to find those key components, components, those tips, those tricks on making their pivotal change on their path towards success. We've got an exciting and loaded episode tonight.
Wonderful guests with lots of experience and expertise to share with you. And we're kicking off with a wonderful guest, Kimberly Diamond Bellow. And she is wonderful because she is a business advisor with over 18 years of experience. So she's going to have more than just a little bit to share with us. She helps guide leaders, she helps hiring managers, she helps develop and define and redefine workplace cultures. She has worked with small and medium sized businesses all the way up to Fortune 500 firms. So, Kimberly, thank you so much for coming on the show tonight.
[00:01:24] Speaker A: Thanks for having me, Ryan. I appreciate it. Thanks so much.
[00:01:27] Speaker B: Good to be here.
I'm certainly the one that's honored to be here and people know that watching my show and I'll probably call you Kim from here on out just to save the shave seconds on the show. But they're supposed to watch this show with a pen and paper handy. So when they have a nice tip or nice something that you said, hopefully they're writing it down and using it real world. But I want to jump right in to talking about hiring and company culture and things like that. So the big question is going to be why? Why does hiring someone who has to fit the company culture, why does that matter more than just a resume, a pedigree or a bunch of accolades on paper?
[00:02:04] Speaker A: Well, you know, obviously skills and technical skills and knowledge is very important.
But when it comes to the culture side of things, the individuals need to feel that they match for the culture. They want to be able to come in and be able to collaborate and be cohesive and without that buy into the culture. Without that belief behind the values and the missions of the organization, they sometimes can struggle adapting and can their team.
So it's important for everyone to know what culture do you want to be part of? What culture does this company represent? And the company should be very transparent about their culture and how they represent all the way down to the culture within the culture, I call it of organization, brands themselves with the culture. But then this person's put into a particular location or particular department, this is its own culture. So you need to pull back and understand that culture because that's their day to day Activity. Yes. They need to feel they understand what the objectives of the organization are and how they flow with them and what they want out of their career path, whether it's growth or just being a productive part of that.
You also need to see if there can be adaptable to the culture within the culture. Right. So they get into this one, they go through the interview process and they feel good, but then they get into their day to day. So understanding that you as the candidate and you as the organization are a fit is very important along with the technical skills and the experience that they bring to the table. But it's not just those things. It's really the whole ball of wax. Now some people can be taught technical skills. There's certain rules. Absolutely, but. And culture can weigh more heavily as far as the fit goes than the technical side. But there are other roles. It's absolutely imperative that you have the technical skills. You're an engineer or a doctor or a lawyer or something like that.
Those are not necessarily learned on the job like some other technical skills can be.
[00:04:01] Speaker B: I like that there's always exceptions like you're kind of pointing out at the end of your statement there, where, yeah, the absolute necessity of certain sets of skills must be in place. And maybe culture at times can take a backseat to like the neurosurgeon who's going to be operating on brains for the rest of their life probably needs super high technical skill and if he doesn't fit the culture of the hospital, well, they need a brain surgeon. Right. So I definitely appreciate that caveat statement and I love the culture within the culture statement that you said. You know, we say, hey, this is our global culture as a company and this is what we want people to represent and be in function. But then you're going to be stuck inside of a division or a team.
What are the people like that operate and deal with? Like, are they highly creative type of people? And then you're putting an overly analytical person in on that team. Is that going to create friction and frustration and then hamper the skill, the efficiency and the effectiveness of that team? So, so I, I really like where you're going with this culture within a culture. Now I guess the next question people are going to ask is like, okay, you're telling me hiring for culture is important and we're tracking what you're saying with making sure they're going to fit in the place that I'm hiring them. But how is a business owner or the person in charge of hiring, how do I like develop the Right. Questions. What kind of interview adjustment should I make so that I can understand who someone is and. And then fits into that culture?
[00:05:20] Speaker A: You need to sit down and determine what that is, first off. And then there's many formats that you can adopt to glean that information from your interview with the candidate. You've got behavioral questions. There's the infamous star, which is a situation, task activity, result type of a question where they. You give them, you know, you ask them about a situation and they tell their story. Okay. And they go through all those different components. That's one that helps you understand how they think, what their motives are, how they address the situation at the time that they had that situation.
There are cultural questions you can ask them.
You know, we ask questions like, what type of manager did you really resonate with? You know, what was the team like that you were on with before? What didn't you like about that team? That's kind of a cultural question, right? You're trying to understand how they fit in with their team and work together and. Or not. Okay.
Motivation. Another one, great one. What motivates you? What do you want to do? You know, do you want to learn? Do you want. Do you have, you know, the ability to do projects? Those are things that are motivational type of questions to understand if they have some drive and if that's going to fit with your group, because maybe your group is static or maybe they do a lot of projects. You want to know if that person is going to be able to work with the group, you know, work with the organization when they're asked to do those things. Okay.
Problem solving questions, you know, those are. You can find those, you know, or design them based on what this. What the actual position is. You want to walk through some examples of how they would solve a problem based on a problem you may have within your organization or within this type of environment.
You know, you want team dynamics. You want to ask them what they.
What's the best company they've ever worked for and why? And you know, and see how well your organization is in alignment with that because you know that they will more than likely, you will retain this individual. This individual will more than likely thrive and be productive because it's an environment they enjoy.
So there are questions that you can develop based on what you really feel you need to know about the individual with relativity to the job and relative to the group that they're going to be working with and the organization.
[00:07:27] Speaker B: I really like that. And one thing, you know, as a business owner who has to Hire people. I really want to really draw out of what you just said is you did not have a whole lot of technical questions in there. You did not say like, you know, for me, I own an accounting firm, so it's like, well, how many tax returns did you prepare last tax season and how many bookkeeping clients do you reconcile every month? Right? Those are just technical check the box questions versus you say, hey, give them a scenario. You know, where was a moment of friction you had at your office? What didn't you like about being on that team? That's going to draw to the surface a lot of personality, a lot of characteristics and hey, what did you love and what are you motivated by? My goodness, I don't think most people in this country get asked what are you motivated by in a hiring potential interview. You know, that may come way down the road three years from now when we're looking at a promotion. Okay, now what motivates you? And well, you're three years too late on that question. So that's, that's something that people need to do that. And then to really hammer your point home, like the very first sentence you said is you need to write down what your culture is before you can develop your questions. And I think that's so smart and so over overlooked is that people are saying, hey, we want somebody that fits our culture. Well, what's your culture? You need to understand that first. So I really appreciate you saying that. Let me, let me ask this next question for you. How much of it is like, you know, the art versus science type of situation. Can we hire someone who just kind of like feels right for the team? Is that more important than hiring somebody that we know has, check, check, check, check. All the technical skills that, that we possess, the art versus science there.
[00:08:57] Speaker A: That depends on the role in my opinion. Okay. Like we talked about earlier. All right, so you know, there are again, certain technical skills that you really need in certain roles you must bring to the table. Okay.
You know, they may look really good on paper and, and they may check a lot of the boxes. But then you really need to look at, after you get through that technical side of what you consider technical. Okay, what? You know, there are certain things you should, you could actually go through your must have and prefers or like to have. Okay. That's going to be where you're looking at the technical side of things. Then you want to really understand their soft skills capabilities, if that's important in this role. And if they are in front of people or they're constantly engaging Then you need to be able to learn how they communicate. Not, you know, and so you need to create questions around that. If they're, you know, a person who's styled away and it's quiet, you need to understand how they work well in that space. Being autonomous, you know, in an autonomous environment versus an environment that's, you know, very collaborative.
And so you can learn those things. But I think that you need to go through the technical side of what you feel you need to have for this role that cannot be, not necessarily cannot be trained, that you do maybe do not have the resources or the time to train them for those particular technical skills. So you've got to have those. That's a must have. Then it's a preferred. And then you want to learn about how they will fit with the culture. There's, it's just to me there's three steps in that. It's not just, you know, one, the resume looks great, let's roll.
Generally they don't last. The retention issues you, you end up with and you start the process over again because you didn't really vet them for the ability to mesh with the team, mesh with the culture of the organization.
[00:10:41] Speaker B: So I really like the answer. It depends. I think is, is a really a wonderful answer to most questions because people always look for black and white and there's so very little black and this world and in life in general. And so when you gave your three parts and you're talking about vetting the person, there has to be at least a minimum level of skill set. Right.
And I agree with you completely. Most skills can be developed. Now the question is, do you have the time and resources to develop those skills because this person has such a good personality and culture fit, I can overlook some skill gaps because I do have the time and resources or do I just need to fit the skill gap and then struggle with making the personalities work out by learning communication and learning styles and things like that. So is it a juggling? But I you your process of three.
So if you were going to give somebody an A, a one liner of how to correct their culture today from the hiring side of things, what would your one liner be?
[00:11:38] Speaker A: Want to correct their culture?
[00:11:40] Speaker B: Yeah, like if I want to start hiring people, that's going to correct my culture because I have a bad culture right now.
Yeah, put your.
[00:11:47] Speaker A: Well, one liner is that's what the issue is.
And, and look at the direction that you prefer to be in and model and you know, create the model around that. I mean, you have to look at what, what, what's the breakdown now and what needs to, you know, what that, you know, official issue is because normally it's usually maybe leadership or what have you. Okay.
And then just, you know, look at how you want to move forward with the types of questions and individuals you would like to bring into your organization based on what's broken.
[00:12:19] Speaker B: I love it. So it so we're looking at realign it to your vision and make the things draw into the vision that I love that. Well, this is a perfect time for me to stick to pin in the conversation. We're going to cut to a commercial break. Everyone sit tight. We're going to be right back with more K. Diamond Consulting with Kim here in just a moment on pivotal change.
[00:12:43] Speaker C: Sam.
[00:13:11] Speaker B: We are back from the break with more pivotal change and we are going to keep plugging away. We're having a wonderful conversation with Kim from K. Diamond Consulting and we are talking all about how to navigate this recruitment landscape. It's a very volatile landscape at times and more now so than ever coming off the back of COVID and the changes that happened. And so I want to keep this conversation going with a little bit more talking about the hiring side, the early side of culture. And so Kim, I want to ask you this question.
What are some ways or what are some things we should be looking for as disqualifiers, some red flags or any just type of orange alarming behavior when we begin to look at resumes or we begin to start the interview process with people that we know are going to be culture disruptors?
[00:13:57] Speaker A: Well, from the resume standpoint, it's definitely more challenging.
But you know, you can look at the formatting of the resume if the person has taken the time and the energy to put into a good format. You know, they're detail oriented that, you know, they've taken their time to do that. You know, they've addressed any gaps potentially. So you're really looking at a well, clean, nice formatted resume. It does not have to be. Some are very technical for very strong. It just should look as if a person put some effort into it and it should be in most cases it should be up to date in this day and age. But sometimes I know that, that people don't always, always get to know right away. So that's the first thing I look at when it comes to the interview process.
I you listen, you, you listen to what they say. You ask them the pertinent questions that you've designed and you listen if they are not willing to share or do not have details to share with you on certain questions that they ask. And I mean details. Like if you ask them about a scenario and they say something like, well, I would do this. You're really asking them, what did you do? Okay, so if a person keeps skirting those questions and you're having to continue to ask another question, there may be some either challenges there with that individual listening to what you're saying or really caring about what you're saying. Okay, so those are some things up front that I consider red flags. If they're not, they're not listening to what I'm saying, they're not answering the question appropriately, or they do a lot of.
If you're looking for a collaborative person, they do a lot of. III sometimes that can be a person who isn't really great with the team.
Then you, other people who might say, well, I did this, but I really didn't. I don't really have a lot of detail because I was just kind of part of something. If it's on their resume, they should be able to speak to it. If they can't, it shouldn't be there.
So I, I like just some red flags.
[00:15:56] Speaker B: Yeah, definitely that, that the way you're, you're saying that and telling us what to look for kind of makes my cop brain, you know, kick in. You know, So I did four and a half years as a detective in a lot of interviews, a lot of interrogation, things like that. And when somebody either over supplies details, they're trying to either hide something else with this over supplying of details, or they're trying to toot their own horn. Kind of like you said, I, I, I. And then the other side of it is they lack the details. Well, this is, this project is on your resume for a reason. Give me the details of the project. What was your role? How did you execute that? And like you said, if they're reluctant or unable to provide details, that should be a pretty big red flag. Maybe they didn't have as large of a role as they're claiming on their resume. And then I just really like the, the precursor of if you get a sloppy resume, just some random Microsoft Word template, there's very little effort and lines don't line up, the margins aren't proper. You know, it's just like everything's copy and paste them together. Who knows, maybe chat GBT built it right. You're looking for spelling errors and stuff like that. Did you even really put an effort to try to get this position? I like that we can identify some flags Right, right. In the very beginning. And of course you're probably like me, I would always give grace for some 20, 21 year old building their first resume out of college might get a little more grace than the 35 year old coming into their third career. Right.
But yeah, I really like those, those tips to look for in the way that you articulated those things. So now maybe that you've got and you've hired some people and you've rooted that out.
How protective or fiercely protective or soft and giving should we be of our culture? Should we be really seeking out and assertive or even aggressive and rooting out toxic behaviors or should we give a lot of grace in various areas? What's the balance there in being protective of your culture as a business owner or team lead.
[00:17:44] Speaker A: That is opened up to HR and the hiring manager, having the ability of their team and other individuals in their group to be able to come to them if they are seeing behaviors that are disruptive.
So having that transparency without.
You have to be obviously very careful when you take action on anything. And I think that you need to get both sides of the story and need to understand where this is coming from. Is this a one off situation that they are feeling out of sorts or something has changed in there and they're becoming a little bit, you know, toxic and you know, negative. But you're be able to come to the manager and to whoever else they designated as a point of contact for them to, to discuss this so that you can stay on top of it and address it. Because maybe it's just something happening with the individual in their personal life and it's leading over to work, you know, and if that's the case, is this something that you can help them with or is this, you know, they've had enough and it's evident, then you have to have those, you know, those next conversations and, and see if there's something different that needs to be done at that point. Whether it's a different alignment or, or an exit, you know, depending on how, how toxic it really is.
[00:18:57] Speaker B: Yeah, got you. So, and that's, you know, just to clarify for the audience, my question wasn't rooted about, you know, sexual harassment. That's obviously, you know, that's not toxic here. Somebody that's showing up drunk to work and busting your monitor. That, that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about people that start to gossip about their co workers around the water cooler and their rumor mill is starting or somebody literally shows up at 800-1-8002 every day, and they're just perpetually late, and that's giving a really bad vibe. Everybody else on the team who shows up five minutes early to set up their station and be ready to work, you know. Right. Maybe somebody starts getting real short with customers, you know, and their, their demeanor with customers is slipping over time. That's how you, how you protect the culture, and that's how you take the lead and say, hey, let's reach out.
Did the human component first, which I like. Maybe they got something going on in their life. Right. Let's not just jump to assumptions that they're just magically a dirt bag and toxic. Right. They might have something going on. Let's talk about it. Let's have one of those crucial conversations and let's take that HR route to build them back up into a positive culture. So it kind of, kind of. One of my phrases is rehabilitation is always the first goal. Right. And that's.
That maybe echoes with what you were just saying.
[00:20:04] Speaker A: So you don't want to go on assumptions, you don't want to get on assumptions or rumors, but you want to, you know, you want to be able to gather the information, to be able to have that appropriate conversation, to assess what's actually happening.
[00:20:14] Speaker B: Yep. And I love what you said early on too, is you got to gather information from both sides. You got to get both sides. Right. Somebody's complaining that there's an introduction of toxic behavior. Well, it's. Well, that's what Sally said. Let's go talk what Johnny says. And the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. And, you know, I, I respect your drawing that out in the beginning very much because I think a lot of people just take the complaint and run with it, and that's damaging as well. Well, let's jump to this question then. So let's say we have found that, okay, there's a substantiation to some type of toxic behavior, something that is deteriorating the team. Maybe it's not just a hard and fast policy violation, but it is something that needs to be addressed. What are some methods of correction to make sure your culture is maintained? And let's say it's getting off track and you want to bring it back on track. Tell me both, you know, the positive motivation and the punitive motivation to get culture back on track that could help some business leaders listening today.
[00:21:08] Speaker A: On the positive side, like I said, is have that open door policy make sure that they, they feel comfortable coming to have a conversation with you before it gets out of hand or if it is out of hand and you need to address it, then, you know, you have that heart to heart conversation. You want to listen to what the situation is, what's going on with them before taking any. You know, again, there are certain actions, we all know that people do that. It's punitive immediately, okay. But we're talking about people who are just starting to rock the boat with the team, starting to kind of, you know, get it off kilter. Well, let's get it back on. Let's understand what's going on and why we're, why we're having these, these certain comments or certain actions that we're doing that seem to be a bit toxic. And then, you know, again, if they aren't willing to listen, then, you know, HR knows how to carry through those processes with those individuals and do the things that are necessary. You know, every state has their own rules and regulations on how things are handled when things are getting off track with an employee. But I think the best thing to do is try to get them back on track if you can, and hope that, that you can, you know, re establish that cohesive culture that you, that you truly want and make sure that it doesn't. You just got to get ahead of it too. This is get ahead of it. Don't let it, don't let it infest. Get ahead of it.
[00:22:24] Speaker B: Get ahead of it. So I like the way you say get ahead of it. I use a different phrase, which is like keep short accounts. Right? So you have to address things quickly. You don't want them to be long and drawn out. They fester, right? What happens when things fester? So I really like your get ahead of it. You see something and you're going to head it off at the pass. You're literally going to run out, get in front of it and you're going to address this issue before it has room to go further. So I, I like your little, your little saying right there. I'll probably steal that in the future at some point.
So getting, getting ahead of it is the, is the right way to do that. And you know, there's, there's positive motivations and there's negative motivations. Maybe you remind people of your vision is like, hey, we have this goal to get to this point and be these type of people and we can't do that while this is going on here. Can we please get back on track at chasing this beautiful fantasy vision that we have of ourselves so we can be the best version of ourselves when we grow up? Right. And you know, I really like your, your, your way that you say things. So one thing I want to do Cam today, it's really important to me is we're coming up to another break again, but I've really found you to be quite impressive. I enjoyed this interview a lot and the goal is to have you back on the show so our audience can benefit from you again. But I'm sure somebody wrote down something that you said today because I did. Right. And if they wanted to get a hold of you, if they wanted to find out about K Diamond Consulting, what's the best method to contact you? Get a hold of me and possibly even use your services if they need.
[00:23:39] Speaker A: Do, you can reach me my email. It's the best way to reach me. It's Tim K Diamond Consulting. And that's. You see it on your screen. D Y M O N D consulting dot com. Or you can, you can reach out to me on LinkedIn. I'm, I'm on LinkedIn as well, so you can send me a message that way if you'd like. But either one of those methods is the best way to get a hold of me.
[00:24:00] Speaker B: That's awesome. I wonder. Thank you. Wonderful. So much for coming on the show today and for everyone else out there watching, we're going to cut to break. We're only halfway done with this episode, so stay buckled in. We got a whole lot more ahead with more pivotal Change right after this.
[00:24:15] Speaker A: Thank you.
[00:24:46] Speaker B: Welcome back from the break and you've made it past the halfway point on this episode of pivotal Change. We had a wonderful conversation talking all about the workplace culture and the best ways to hire and change and correct those things. And now we're moving on to somebody that's all about building up your better self, reaching inside and getting more of the good side of you out in and into the world. And so we're going to be talking with Susan Drayton. She is a highly accomplished person. She's got so much going on in her life. She's an artist, she's an author, she's inspirational person. She gets speeches and she's an entrepreneur. Here are two books that she's recently written are out and available. And she really helps cultivate people in realizing their self worth and being able to achieve more of that potential inside themselves. I could go on and on about her, but Susan, welcome to the show.
[00:25:30] Speaker C: Thank you for having me.
[00:25:32] Speaker B: That's my pleasure. And what I like to do, Susan, is I like to have the audience watch with pen and paper in hand.
So hopefully when you start saying all of your wisdom, they'll be jotting it down and using it in their real lives. So that's one thing that I like them to do. And I also like to kind of just jump right into the questions since unfortunately we're trapped by this time window of those greedy commercial breaks we have to take. But one thing I want to do is I want to dive right into your art, your ability to tell stories and just ask us how have you helped through your art and your storytelling, others find a sense of their self worth?
[00:26:07] Speaker C: For me, my art helped me to actually hold me responsible for the present moment, to face what I don't want to face. And that is reality.
With my paintings, you come across some challenging creations, if you will, to make it more realistic.
And you're going to have to have obedience and patience. And it's all about investing in that self, the self of you that's constantly in the battles of upward challenges, when really it's taking a look from different perspectives.
And as you zone in on that, you will feel a spiritual shift in your emotions, a definite indicator if you are progressing forward or not.
And usually with what I find with myself and my clients, they want to rush through everything, not enjoying the journey, the moment of the now. The now is where it's powerful.
It's the silence that you will hear, the voice, the voice that is yours and authentic and aligning with who you are and transforming to become.
And it's all about investing. It's not about the hard work to others. It's hard work because we're so used to having to rush here, rush there.
And I feel that the more you slow your nervous system down, which is mind over matter, that takes time because you are undoing so many programs.
[00:28:13] Speaker B: So.
[00:28:13] Speaker C: Many thought processes that were taught or your environment that you learned from.
So you're going to have to undo that. You're going to have to detach from it and allow the space for new.
And from there you'll grow that courage and that confidence and come to the understanding that your heart and mind. There is no space for battling. It's about alignment.
[00:28:44] Speaker B: I like, I like that keyword. So you really threw out some very powerful words that I think so much of us need to hear is patience was one of the first keywords that you threw out. And just looking around at this world is like you just said, the hustle and the bustle. Everybody's always rushing everywhere. It's creating so much friction in our lives, so much tension both physically and emotionally and Spiritually in our lives. And you started getting into unpacking that, rewriting your system. Maybe I'll throw in a word myself. Just saying, unprogramming yourself from the way you've been programmed with these habits and this lifestyle and being sill and being silent and listening for that voice to help develop you into your future self, that's. That's really powerful stuff that most people don't think that they have to sit down and slow down to needs or instant gratification generation. Click the button, give us the result. But there's an unpacking that needs to happen.
[00:29:39] Speaker C: And you need to ask yourself too, which people don't don't because they're not aware. Where are you putting those emotions?
So many people are stoic. They walk around very stoic. And you don't see the facial expressions when people are engaging with one another.
So it's like, who are you? Who are you when you're not connected with yourself? Yourself is about sculpturing, Sculpturing every single day.
Your battles, your scars are yours.
No one is going to own ownership to that other than you. The reason why I can sit here and talk about what I am talking about in this present moment, which is energy, work and the whole spiritual shifting is because I had to do something different. Because the old me and the old ways just, just wasn't jiving. I wasn't seeing any abundance in my life. I wasn't seeing prosperity.
I wasn't even feeling joy. I was numb and pixelated.
So when I tell you, anger fested in me with frustration.
I had more of that and more of disappointment. But I couldn't blame everybody because I had a portion of that responsibility.
Because it's called free will. You have the free will to do better or not.
And that's where I had to be very invested with the mind to unblock a lot of the old. And that wasn't easy. So that's when I became more in the spiritual alignment of meditation, my prayers getting closer to God, to Jesus. I work with the angels, Archangel Michael, Archangel Raphael, during my Reiki sessions, breathing techniques, and I just can go on and on and on. But this took a while for me to walk this path and to walk this path. It's not about becoming the speedy bird, you know, the roadrunner. It's not. It's about really honing in on the now. Because at the end of the day, that's all you have. The past is gone. The future has not even begun to fathom because you're Constantly changing in every thought process.
[00:32:17] Speaker B: So I love that so much. The, the living in the now. And you talked about transforming, and I think renewing your mind is so important. You said removing the blockers, and you went into the spiritual side. I think prayer is such a powerful thing, and prayer can remove those blockers for us. And you rely on that spiritual connection to really pull you up from that self. Like you said, you were lacking in abundance and you were lacking in joy until you made those spiritual connections and really remove those walkers. I think that's so important. So let's draw this back a little bit. So connecting it back to your ability to be creative, your ability to look inward and live in the now and create art and create stories.
What about a moment that you can share with us helped you by embracing your creativity, your artistic nature, your spiritual nature led to a moment of personal healing.
[00:33:16] Speaker C: I, I my personal healing, the shift that I felt when I started to create more peaceful paintings, and there's one that I recall with a mother and a child, and she has a golden crown.
And that was God's way of talking to me through the brush to be more softer, more gentle, more gentle with myself, because I am triggering the old system of the patterns that it's frustrating and it's draining emotionally and energetically and mentally.
So that was hard. So you. So I want you to think something like a trifecta, as if you go into the emergency room in a hospital, okay, you're coming in, you're checking in. They're telling you to wait. They're constantly checking your vitals. But on the other side of the room, they have other patients.
And then on the other side, they have patients that are coming in off the street with severe trauma. And then there's another side of the emergency room that's coding.
So it's like you got all these compartments shifting and what comes first, what comes second?
And try to imagine that emotionally, it's like a wave of a tsunami wave that you're just like, oh, my God, I gotta take breaths. And then it's like, duck.
And then when can I come up? And then it's a quick grasp. And that's where my breathing techniques would come in, because it was just overwhelming.
[00:35:08] Speaker B: But.
[00:35:10] Speaker C: The more I started doing things and honoring the self in this softer tone, in a softer way, a gentle way of honoring me, that's when I started seeing more of the bliss, more of the joy, being very grateful. The gratitude part is mostly powerful. And I make sure to flow in those waters, those waves of waters.
[00:35:40] Speaker B: Let me jump in here real quick because I'm really enjoying this theme of the tsunami, the wave, the breathing techniques, the treading new waters. And so I'm seeing how this is emotionally overwhelming and how to triage your emotions. Like the hospital room example you gave. They have to say, hey, this person's coding. They're about to die. Well, this person's hurt really bad. And this person. Person has a hangnail. You have to triage in a medical room, just like you have to triage your emotions and survive the tsunami and the wave after the wave. And you mentioned these breathing techniques. I think this is really powerful. So I want to put a pin in right here and jump to commercial break. And I want to talk about this right when we come back. So we're gonna have one more segment of pivotal change, and we're gonna be right back. We're gonna dive into this subject a little deeper with Susan right after this.
[00:36:27] Speaker C: Sam.
[00:36:53] Speaker B: Foreign it's time for the final push of the night on pivotal change, and we're going to keep this wonderful conversation with Susan Drayton going. We are talking about self reflection, self healing, the ability to change and remove blockers inside of yourself to get to your better, higher version of yourself. We just talked about this wonderful metaphor of sometimes we feel like we're in a wave of an emotion, a tsunami of stress and friction in our life, and we're struggling just to get a breath of air between the crashing waves. And, Susan, we put a pin in that right before commercial. But I want you to tell us with your metaphor from the hospital, how this wave after wave, we can triage and identify the emotions and the issues we need to work on first so that we can finally reach some place of satisfaction, of peace or joy. So what do we do in order to get past this survival state?
[00:37:54] Speaker C: So to pass it, what I found myself doing was I started to learn and pick up, to tune in to the emotion. Instead of just reacting through action or verbiage, it was bringing myself to the now and just honing in on those emotions and identifying what it was, where it was coming from, and the why.
And what I've learned was the reason why that everything was so chaotic and people pleasing and so forth was because I was in the survival mode, which is more of your masculine energy.
And it's all about the hunt and the conquering.
And I spent a good time of my life doing that.
But in order for me to not get rid of it, but to complement, to bring in the balance, I had to acknowledge the more softer side of me, the feminine side of me, that is to do things, but more in a gentle way, a loving way. It's all about.
Love is not about shrinking.
It's remembering who you are.
And we all have a mission.
And the bottom line is, what are you going to choose?
That compass that's going to bring you back home.
But what does this home look like and where is it?
And in order for you to go back to that home or a better version of that home, it's to embrace that authentic you and to start working in that vulnerability of just pausing and really acknowledging your emotions and giving it the respect and the honor that it should have. And as you do so, you will then see everything within you in your emotions and your nervous system balancing out where it can cycle around again and the nervous system won't be so triggered because you'll see the same scenario with different characters, but this time you're feeling a lot more calmer and you react a lot more mature.
You understand what the underlining issue is and you have the tools within you to address it differently. A more healthier version. Is it perfect? No.
But it's better than what it was before. Not everything is a major high volume of flames of fire in our lives.
[00:41:07] Speaker B: It just goes from. It goes from chaotic survival mode to improvement and from improvement to improvement. And you're slowly extinguishing those high volume of flames to where it doesn't burn you so bad, you recognize it sooner. You've developed the skills to have more mature responses. Responses. And you're decreasing the negative in life while increasing the authentic you that can respond to that and go out and prevail.
[00:41:35] Speaker C: And when you flow in that balance, that is where peace and grace enters your.
Your. Your energy, your being yourself, that you stop becoming a magnet.
You stop becoming a magnet. Everything that you put out there that you've talked about, you've invested in action, starts showing up in the realm of reality.
And it comes with such ease and flow that you know it belongs to you. You can navigate in this life so much clear, the surrendering of the control and their survival and become vulnerable. You're going to thrive.
And that's where the clarity comes in.
And the more you do that, you become that beacon, a beacon of light.
[00:42:38] Speaker B: So if we wanted to ultimately reach the point where we can be that beacon of light, kind of doubling back around to that, that first question, would you put your finger on or would you be able to say that if I'm experiencing a whole host of these Negative emotions that are holding me back, whether it be anger or jealousy or just anxiety, depression, all kinds of negative emotions. Is there one that you think if I'm experiencing multiple, that I should attack this one first and I should work on it first because it's potentially the most dangerous to myself?
[00:43:12] Speaker C: It's the one that's constantly, for lack of better words, nagging you, that's constantly on your mind and it weighs heavy that it's interrupting your sleep, you can't eat. You're constantly in this loop in the mental state and that's how you're going to know that that's the one that you really need to focus in on.
[00:43:36] Speaker B: And then is it fair to say the one you need to work on is the one that is the most prevalent and the most disrupting? Not necessarily any specific one, but just keep showing its face in the relationships and scenarios and interesting. So if someone feels that they are making progress in this path, they're flowing better, they're responding more maturely, they're making the progress because they're being patient, like we said in the first segment, and they're not expecting those immediate results.
What if they want to find a way to better express themselves, to be more seen by others as they are stepping into being that beacon of light? What is, what does that process, what does that person need to be encouraged in, in that transitional phase?
[00:44:23] Speaker C: Get out of your comfort zone. Stop repeating the same spaces and places and people get out of that comfort zone. Like I always have my clients when I do Reiki with them, you know, if they want to go out, meet new people. I said, well, take yourself out on a date.
Go to a place where it's totally different, a little bit more on the high end, if not high end, and walk in. But don't just walk in.
Observe.
Observe the reactions of the energy flow. Observe the facial expressions.
Silence is very powerful. That is where you hear all the messages and the answers is when you are silent because you are opening yourself up to listening to an unusual sound that you normally wouldn't have if you were busy in the survival mode.
[00:45:30] Speaker B: I like that a lot. You said the statement silence and observation is very powerful. And I wrote that down because that's something that I need to remind myself of looking at my 19 year old self to my 40 year old self. I'm much more silent and much more observant. But I can always do better. If I want to be that peak in that beacon of light.
I need, I need to work on that some more. So I Think that's something everyone else should write down as well, is that silence and observation is very powerful. Find your moments to where you need and should be silent. And definitely make a conscious effort to be more observant, not just in your daily life, but in those unfamiliar, uncomfortable scenarios. Step up into a different area of life and observe. I, I love that. So I'm going to do final question of the night and then we're gonna have to end the episode.
But this all boils down to what we've kind of been leading to is a person realizing their self worth and being able to express themselves better, shatter all of those negative feelings.
If somebody is able to come into this higher level of self worth and the self realization, does that make them more relatable, a better force for good? Does that make them more marketable? Does it make them more valuable even in the eyes of others? If I see myself as more value, do I, ergo, also receive more value from others?
[00:46:56] Speaker C: It is, it will. It does.
I mean, I'm the proof because I've noticed a big change in my life as well as my clients. I have clients ages in their mid-20s and their business people, and they're very goal oriented and they want to bring in that balance. They want to achieve more. They want to walk a path of integrity, you know, and.
[00:47:29] Speaker A: I don't, I.
[00:47:30] Speaker C: I think it's something that we haven't seen in a long time is, you know, having that solid foundation of being very grateful of who you are, where you are in your journey of life. You know, I jumped in on that.
[00:47:48] Speaker B: Comment of being grateful for who you are.
Man, what a powerful statement. A lot of us lack gratefulness in general, but to be grateful for who you are, I think is a powerful thing. Unfortunately, I have to use that into rolling, into ending the episode for tonight. But we're going to have more season.
Excuse me.
We're going to be back with more Suit and Drayton in the future, so sit tight, everyone. Thank you for coming on the show. If people want to get a hold of you, they want to find your art, your storytelling, or use your services, where do they find you?
[00:48:20] Speaker C: You can find me at Instagram Dragon and Fairies555.
You can go to my website, www.instagram enchanted wings llc.com.
you can see me there. You can also go to my Facebook, which is Susan Drayton, seven.
And yeah, wonderful.
[00:48:47] Speaker B: Susan, thank you so much for coming on the show.
For everyone else, this wraps up another episode of pivotal Change. I want you to go out into the world and see the change and be the change. And we'll catch you here next time.
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